BLITZ FLAG FOOTBALL

BLITZEN’S HORNS: WEEK ONE EDITION

Week One is over and done..thankfully. Cuz boy oh boy, was it mediocre at best.

We all were hyped for a championship rematch that fell flat. We thought the new look Strokes would be of a different Stroke but they were not. The best games of the day, were B games. I mean the B’s are my jam cuz I’m the ultimate B champion but nobody else likes dem doe.

So let’s start with the first game of the day. An electifying matchup of B squads with America’s Children and Primetime. Both teams have new QBs, and I know what you’re thinking, “points points points” am I right??? Well nope. The two teams combined for 18 points. If I didn’t have hooves, I could prolly put up more points.

The second game; the REMATCH! Not so much. The Rage had plenty of rage but no points. LOD rolled out a new cast of characters, and the Rage wasn’t ready. It’s a shame really; couldn’t happen to a more humble group of dudes.

Primetime played again at 9 and this time to take on the new name Reign squad aka Insanity. The game was a lot like the first one for Primetime, they scored 6 points and lost again. Reign scored a lot though soooo yea, Primetime needs to not play early, prolly best if they play at Primetime (get it..no eh, I’m a friggen reindeer what do you expect).

Tune Squad Flagnado squared off at 10. Tune Squad is an A team and they weren’t afraid to flex their literal muscles on the tiny weak futile B team known as Flagnado. Hey at least they have something to look forward to though…another year of dominating the B’s and getting beaten up by the A’s.

Can you believe that like Primetime, Reign played a doubleheader too? Well they sure did and this time they faced off against the Bandits. Reign played well again and Reigned points upon the Bandits D har har. However, the Bandits scored 24 points in the this game! They only scored 37 all of last season. We call this a building block game.

Now finally to the Game of the Week. The Toads and Strokes. The two teams that are solely responsible for the aluminum can recycling bin on the sidelines. Garrett didn’t drag his feet and the Strokes rushed from two yards away. Let’s say Garrett was called in (which most people said he was anyways), then the illegal rush that the Strokes got wouldn’t have mattered. Am I right? Ball don’t lie bruh. Drop the White Claws and grab some wine; it goes good with those sour grapes.

Raiders came in hot in their league debut. They beat up on the Devilz who have some really cool yellow jerseys with some strapy things and numbers and stripes on em and what not. They definitely won the best jersey of the game game cuz the Raiders jerseys we’re done in Microsoft Paint on Window’s 2000.

Carnage got New Wave on their new promotion to the A’s after an outstanding year last year. What I’m confused about it, why is their best QB playing wide receiver? Also where’d Harmel go? I feel like I saw a guy that looked like him out there, but it couldn’t have been him cuz this guy didn’t do aaannything.

Ok my shots are fired and I’m done for now. See y’all bi-peds next week.

Everyone’s favorite reindeer,
~Blitzy

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