BLITZ FLAG FOOTBALL

THE HORNS: WEEK SEVEN

Well the season is almost done, so this is my final full article of the season. All we have left are those couple teams that wanted to be nice and prevent teams from forfeiting and allowed us all to extend our winter preparation period. And no..Santa won’t put you on the nice list for that, trust me..I know him.

The first game of the day saw the Shotgunnaz get revenge on America’s Children from a week ago. The zoo must have a bolo out for all their attractions because last time I saw guys like that looked like this, I had to pay admission.

In a game that just reminded me to take the trash out , the Rage took on New Wave. It was 40 zip at halftime and New Wave’s defense was as useful as a butthole with tastebuds.

The only problem with the LOD and Vikings game at 9 was that I could actually see it. The Vikings went up by 20 at the half and then went as dry as LOD’s championship drought. LOD came back in the second half only to still lose.

In a game that made onions cry, Flagnado went on the road to take on the Devilz. Fumbles and fumbles were the theme of this game as Mark Sanchez showed up for the Devilz in a game as exciting as an unsalted pretzel.

The game of the week was New Wave and the Tigers. Yes, no joking, it was actually a good game. Riley Hoffman scored the first TD of the game, then the Tigers came right down with a Danny Labrecque touchdown for the equalizer. Nathan Guillermo took one to the house past all the Tigers defenders two drives later to give New Wave the lead. Then the Tigers answered once again, this time by way of an Aaron Witkus leaping TD grab before the half. This game stayed tied for most of the second half until Hoffman leaped out of the gym and hauled in another touchdown for the win. New Wave beat the former fall champs so that means they could’ve beat Rage who they got stepped on by earlier right? Cuz the Tigers beat the Rage and New Wave beat the Tigers? I’m pretty sure that’s how football works.

Another game of the day candidate saw the Rage meetup with the Vikings. In a football version of period cramps. This one went into overtime much to my dismay. Eventually, Nate Forsaith caught the game wining touchdown all alone in the endzone. He was standing up as straight as the pole that LaFond’s mom dances on without a soul around him..again..like LaFond’s mom. It’ll be okay finishing under 500 though Jimmy, the first 40 of childhood is always the hardest.

The days’ finale pitted the Battletoads against the Shotgunnaz in a game that was as enticing as the Terms and Conditions file when you buy a new iphone. These teams by far had the coolest costumes of the day, but seeing a grown up Tommy Pickles playing center was like watching my mom give birth in a bathtub wearing cleats.

Ok time to go, I should really save my breath at this point…I’ll need it later to blow up Phelps’s date.

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