BLITZ FLAG FOOTBALL

HORNS: WEEK THREE

Week Three didn’t really count as week Three in the opinion of this Mascot. Big money tournaments all around the New England and surrounding areas caused a lot of teams to tag out and extend their seasons for this week off.

I mean what’s more important? Meeeee or money? I’d rather put dudes in their place than have you bury with my money in the grave. You only go around this spinning rock of a planet once a year ya know. That only means two Blitz seasons a year! Crazy to think that you would cheat on me cuz of the green, it’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore. Anyways; let’s get to it…

Tigers Toads the first game of the day! Battle for first place in the division! Oh wait…the Toads prized free agent was gone (tournament pfft) and the QB was gone. Just when you think the Toads are gonna make that leap, Phelps pulls a hammy and watches his team get smoked on the sidelines. Go write another song and make yourself useful again.

Across the way, we watched Primetime lose to the Shotgunnaz who have enough guys to make two teams. I think that they think that the more guys you have, the better you are. I guess it’s working…they are err undefeated.

America’s Children renewed a storied rivalry against Flagnado at 9am. Flagnado played the role of Adrian Peterson and Tyreek Hill as they beat up on them Children without remorse. Ouch.

Minshew Mania struck the Raiders and Bandits game. 51 points later and a football thrown over some mountains, it wore off. Bandits got their make-a-wish by getting destroyed by Uncle Rico.

Hold the cup under their nose cuz the Vinegar’s got Stroked by the Vikings in this one. Another Strokes game with hype and another no-show by their QB. Take the Q outta the B and they’re gonna “B” right where they belong come playoff time (get it? B playoffs are-a-coming Strokey poos).

The Bandits played the second half of their double header and almost got their first franchise victory. They were thiiiiiis close against the Devilz; but then the Devilz made out like a soap Bandit..they made a clean getaway thanks to the Bandits extra point defense.

Man, right when I was ready to tell everyone how much I loved this new Tune Squad team they go out and do this! Thanks a lot guys. Now think about your actions. Lebron is remaking a classic movie portrayed by the real goat and now you guys went and did this. Tune Squad week one = Space Jam 1. Tune Squad week three = Space Jam 2.

~Blitzy

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