Week five started with a Tigers America’s Children matchup. Watching this one was like watching Rotella play defense for more than two consecutive plays..yucky. Rotella got his defending champs back in the win column but at this point does it even matter? This is pretty much a B championship matchup at this point. NEBC (Not Blitzen Cares; and I only show up for the Bs). Tigers roar to victory 33-12.
How about a Shake n’Bake Vikings matchup!? Wow that sounds riveting. Exciting. Blitz Game of the week perhaps. Oh wait. What did you say? Jake isn’t playing for the Vikings? AJ isn’t either? Wait, Granfeld is injured? Okay so Shake n’Bake v the Ghosts of Vikings Past. Yea that’s a no from me dawg. Shake n’Bake aint got time for that trashup (trash + matchup), they got championships to compete in. Shake n’Bake commutes right past the Vikings 28 zip.
Rage of Doom took on the rookie squad New England Nightmare. In a matchup of teams with a lot of letters, ROD really gave it to the Nightmare in this one. It was hard fought and the win was solid. ROD really wanted more to give but unfortunately they ran out of time otherwise they would’ve probably scored more. Maybe another 30 points or so. ROD has a wet dream and survives the Nightmare, 39-13.
In the who has the biggest..err..wide receiver battle; Flagnado took on the Battletoads. In a chippy one, the penalties got out of hand to lead to a Flagnado win. Tyler Humphrey boxed out the little guys for four TD’s, a forced fumble and an INT. Garrett Nelson scored 22 of the teams 24 points. More shirts were pulled, tugged and ripped apart in this one than the last time the Chippendale’s dancers visited the Battletoads swamp. I feel like that meme about not having losses might have been the precursor for the Toads capturing their fourth championship… B championship that is. Now they’re just waiting for the bus on the corner… cuz their car got Toad.
Shotgunnaz and my most frequent quarantine face squared off at 11:20. Shotgunnaz went up 14 zilch at halftime then didn’t score again. Sounds a lot like my dating life after prom night. Got lucky, went stag, been dry since. Vinegar Stroking it all the way to the dub. Our version of the Greek Freak, Vinny Zenni made his presence known hauling in 11 receptions for 168 yards and two TD’s. Of course he pulled up to the field about one half late, otherwise, he might’ve been somebody. The Strokes survive the chaffing, 18-14.
Famous last words, “we can beat anybody!” We’re uttered a week ago when the Phantoms got their first franchise victory. They may have been right on that day, but most of the time they will be wrong. After a controversial TD call for the Raiders, they sent the Phantoms back to the grave they crawled out of. Phantoms have spirit but the Raiders don’t give a sheet (ghost/phantom joke; get it? Sorry). 29-6 final.
The Blitz Game of the Week was a doozy. The Rampage in their second to last game of the season matched up against the surprising division leading Scoregasms. The first play of the game saw Andrew Duval tap it to himself deep for a sixty yard touchdown. Two plays later, Dan Walkley answered with a deep bomb of his own to tie it up. Not too fast though because Rampage would pick off the extra point and take it to the house for two. Carter Cormier scored a deep 55 yard touchdown for the Rampage only to be answered once again by Walkley but this time from the five yard line. Rookie James Tanguay received a shovel pass from QB Junior Teixeira inside the two minute warning to go up by eight points. Teixeira then followed up his TD pass with an INT to set up another Cormier touchdown. Just when you think the half is over, Cormier completes the touchdown hat trick as the first half clock finally expires. Rampage up twenty at the break. On the Scoregasms first drive, Derek Riley connected with Walkley again to complete his touchdown hat trick to pull within fourteen points. After a turnover on downs, the Scoregasms marched down the field once again. JT Harold caught a crucial fourth down conversion to keep the drive alive. This set up Walkley’s fourth toe tapping touchdown of the day to pull within just six points after the extra point. Right after Walkley’s fourth touchdown, Cormier said, “hey that’s not fair, I want four TD’s too.” So as he had it it became so. Cormier for the score, Rampage back up by twelve. The ensuing possession, you guessed it, Walkley found the endzone for a fifth; yes fifth time (can anyone cover this guy like for real). Scoregasms are within seven points with just under two minutes to play. Rampage have it locked up, all they need to do is eat the clock and they will win easily… nope. A fumbled snap in the endzone on a run play resulted in two more points for the away team. Uh-oh, things just got real, Atlanta Falcons in the building. But not today will the Patriots overcome the deficit. Rampage luckily holds onto this one, 39-34.
I hope you all enjoy the throwback pic. Now rest up out deer and stay safe. G’luck and Godspeed to all and to all a week five.