Interviewer: The world is dying to know. Who ya picking this weekend?
Blitzen: Well I guess I got the Tigers in the Armstrong conference and the I’ll go with the Coyotes in the Aldrin conference.
Interviewer: Whoa. Bold picks. Why so?
Blitzen: Because they are both four legged mammals. Us quadrupeds need to stick together.
Interviewer: Those are the only reasons, you’re picking them?
Blitzen: Well yes but based on football talent, if you’re making me; I’ll pick some other teams sure.
Interviewer: Ok then who are you picking for real?
Blitzen: So I look at the Armstrong conference and I see a lot of talented teams. I see New Wave, who is so fast and so good right now but I also see they didn’t really play anybody good but their confidence and youth might carry them past the Scoregasms again. I like the Scoregasms a lot but they’ve been playing with 6 guys all season and eventually it’s gonna catch up to ya.
Interviewer: So that means you have New Wave advancing to play Flagnado in the second round. Who ya got there?
Blitzen: Flagnado beat them earlier in the year but Flagnado was a different team then. They had their franchise quarterback and they had subs; now they’re best receivers are playing QB and they don’t have any subs at all. New Wave, pending they get by the Scoregasms, should win this one easily.
Interviewer: Carnage LOD first thing in the morning. What does that game mean to you?
Blitzen: To me it doesn’t mean anything. To the guys it means the world. Both teams on paper are great but Carnage has been a shell of itself lately with attendance and LOD still has dues to be paid. This could get ugly before it starts.
Interviewer: But who wins in your opinion?
Blitzen: At the beginning of the season I thought this was gonna be the conference final but with the AFFL getting in the way, it really messed these teams up.
Interviewer: What’s that?
Blitzen: I’m flipping a coin…LOD wins and advances to play the Tigers.
Interviewer: Then your sticking with your Tigers pick?
Blitzen: Quadrupeds for life baby.
Interviewer: Ok so let’s move to the other side of the bracket, the Aldrin conference. What do you see?
Blitzen: I see champions and B teams.
Interviewer: B teams? This is the A bracket.
Blitzen: Yea but again..that AFFL stuff really messed up teams schedules which is how teams got to where they are now.
Interviewer: Like the Strokes?
Blitzen: Listen, the Strokes have the potential to win it all. I don’t think they will, but they can. It’s like the same way I can fly the sleigh over that dickhead Rudolph. I can lead it, but I won’t ever.
Interviewer: Do the Strokes beat America’s Children?
Blitzen: I think so. They got the horses and the Vinegar to overcome and gritty and savvy ‘Murica team.
Interviewer: So if the Strokes advance they then play the Rage. Who ya got there?
Blitzen: I guess I have to go with the Rage in that one. Not because they are undefeated but because who knows who’s gonna show up.
Interviewer: But they have a playoff roster that has to be eligible, so those are the only guys allowed to play.
Blitzen: All I know is that I’ve heard that their captain threw a fit this week about guys not being eligible and Vikings players weren’t eligible so now everyone hates everyone which will make for a good football game.
Interviewer: Is this fact or Blitzen nonsense?
Blitzen: It’s mostly nonsense but I want there to be a fight. Hooves off and flags down. Let’s repeat last season.
Interviewer: In this scenario the Vikings have already defeated Insanity or the Coyotes?
Blitzen: Insanity will squeak it out over the Coyotes. Unfortunately for my four legged brethren, I don’t think they have what it takes to match the high scoring talent of Insanity.
Interviewer: You said earlier in the year that the Coyotes have one of the best defenses in the league though?
Blitzen: Yes they do. So maybe they will win. Actually yea..change my pick to Coyotes over Insanity in a close one..maybe even overtime.
Interviewer: Then the Coyotes would go on to face the Vikings. Are you picking the favorite in that one?
Blitzen: I guess I have to, however I will tell you this. The Coyotes lost to the Vikings 21-7 earlier in the season. It’s hard to beat a team two times in a year. So the Coyotes have that going for them.
Interviewer: So Vikings v. Rage in the conference final?
Blitzen: Yes. Then there is a fight between all of the illegal players playing for both teams and both teams get kicked out. Coyotes and Strokes play to see who goes to the Ship.
Interviewer: If that doesn’t happen, then what?
Blitzen: Rage win. They have an all-star team and the Vikings have 5 guys who only get off the couch for Saturdays. Rage Tigers final.
Interviewer: Care to take a pick of the winner?
Blitzen: Tigers lost to Rage earlier in the year on the first leg of the triple header. Rage ducked the Tigers the first time and then the Tigers didn’t show up in the game when it mattered. This time will be different. We will see.
Interviewer: Anything else you would like to add?
Blitzen: Yes. If any of this goes as I predicted, I will retire my quill and ride off into the sunset with Alex Kahl.