On paper, the first game of the week seemed like it was going to be the game of the week but after looking at the scoreboard, you realize it was not. Both teams are strong in their own aspects. The Punishers offense is on point, scoring at will all season but their defense has been suspect. The Flagnado defense is number one in the league while their offense has been good but not great. At 8am, this game got off to a suspenseful start. After both teams failed to score on their first possessions, the Punishers struck. Austin Williams posted up in the endzone and caught a perfectly thrown ball right at the pylon. This game looked destined into being a 6 point half until the final minute when Chris Rocker caught a mini shovel pass from the reigning MVP to jump in front 13 points at the half. Flagnado got the ball out of the half and marched their way all the way down to the 4 yard line. They weren’t able to punch it in and the Punishers took over. The Flagnado D stood firm once again as the Punishers didn’t score. Flagnado got all the way to the 6 and once again failed to score. The Punishers took over and threw a pick to Billy Savary. Flagnado got to the 3, and didn’t score. As red zone frustrations began to set it, the Punishers finally took advantage with 3 minutes to play. Christian Reyes streaked down the sideline and caught the Flagnado defense napping as he caught a 60 yard bomb for the clincher. Flagnado got to the 8 yard line on their final drive and once again, but just could not convert. The Punishers defense stands strong Willie McGinest style 5 times and wins 20-0.

In the Athletes final tune up game before that much anticipated other thing that everyone is talking about, they got matched up against Illmatic. Dee Jennings earned star of the game and jumped to the top of the MVP conversation as he torched the Illmatic defense to a tune of 6 catches, 118 yards, and 3 TD’s. On defense, Jamaal Woods kept his defensive player of the year nomination active with 5 tackles and a pick 6 to boot. Illmatic forces a fumble and made a lot of plays but just not enough for the Thanos of the Blitz league. The Athletes treated Illmatic like the Guardians of the Galaxy in Infinity War, 48 to zero.

Following the dismantling of Illmatic; the Dream Killers were next to play victim to the Rage. Rob Keddie caught 3 interceptions and 3 touchdowns in the first half for the Rage. Newcomer Michael Vinagro made his rookie debut in big fashion, catching 2 balls for 2 TD’s. Jerry Brown finally got involved in Rage offense, catching his first TD of the season to go with 4 receptions, 6 tackles and a pick. The Rage pick apart the Dream Killers in good ol mercy rule fashion, 55-6.

When you looked at the schedule for week five and saw Goonies and Beast Mode, one would think this would be a walk in the park for the Goonies. But any given Saturday got the best of the Goonies in the Blitz Game of the Week. Every once in awhile a team comes in expecting to win and they come out flat. The Goonies were victims to that in this one as Beast Mode gave them a run for their money and scare in their britches. Bruce Kent and Clark Wayne made their all world Blitz returns as they torched the Goonies D all day. There was no answer for the all world talents as they sprouted out to a 18-6 lead at the break. After a lockerroom screaming match by the coaching staff, the Goonies finally got their butts in gear. Charles Roaf caught a pick 6 and a receiving TD. Then Gert would catch his first TD. Wayne and Kent each went for TD’s for Beast Mode to keep the Goonies on their feet. Jimmy Lauzon must’ve felt like Tom Brady in the Super Bowl because he did everything he could to win the game for his team, but they couldn’t seem to get a stop when they needed one. It wasn’t until 39 seconds left in the game and down by 7 that Lauzon found Will Washington in the back corner of the endzone to pull within a point. The Goonies have been victims of 2 one point losses already this season so instead of playing for OT, they decided to go for the win. Lauzon dropped back, scrambled around to avoid the rush and for what seemed like forever unleashed a missile to Gert Petro Papa for the game winner. The Goonies hold off an upset of epic proportions and win 33-32.

At 10 a battle of befuddled brewing brethren; a hardy havoc of heaping hoppy hosts, a spirited struggle of sudsy sportsmen, a match of muscular malty members went down…kind of but not really. In a competition of all the beer adjectives I could think of, the audience and scoring sheet was robbed of what could of been an epic battle of crushed beer cans and petulance. As one would shake Vinegar and Oil onto their chips, the Vinegar Strokes let their score out all over Young Dynasty in this one. Poor Young Dynasty never stood a chance against their former center Joe Guiod. Some historians may say they were scared of the Guiod stiff arm, but some may also say they were too drunk to show up, no one will ever know. But at the end of the day the Strokes claim the top spot in their division with the 28 point victory.

To continue the boring theme of blowouts, we pick up on the Dream Killers and Blue Balls of Doom game. Playing in their third game of the day (second recorded game), the legs and heat really got to them. After playing three straight games, one would expect what happened to the Dream Killers to happen. They played well but just were no match for a fresh legged set of Blue Balls. Vinnie Frasco caught everything in his direction racking up 4 TD’s in the first half by himself. He caught 3 and added a pick 6 on the defensive side just for S & G’s. Kyle Twiss kept his career season going strong for the Dream Killers catching his third diving TD in his many weeks. The Dream Killers worked their butts and lose with a smile heading into their bye week, 44-7.

Excuse me? What did you say? You want to read another abhorrent summation of another nefarious blowout? Well if that’s the case, then you sure are in luck cause we got one for ya! At 11:40 the Reapers took on the shorthanded American Children. Subtract the final score and this was a battle of top rookie of the year contenders. Bernard Lynch of America’s Children went off in the first half tallying 8 of his 9 catches in this first 3 drives. On the other sideline, DJ Ramos remained untouched. He caught 4 more balls in this one, 3 of which went for burner TD’s and one of that ended up with him running out of bounds because he ran out of space. Despite the rookie phenoms having good performances, old reliable was the star of the game. The man known as Pucho had his best game since Bangarang in 2015. Pucho tossed 5 TD’s to go with a pick 6 on the defensive side of the ball. The Reapers get TD’s from Keko and Cruz as America’s Children gets TD’s from Scalley and Fortier. Reapers keep pace with the Athletes in their division with the win, 46-12.

What’s that? Did you ask for more jollifications? Sure, here’s another one. The up and coming, young and talented New Wave went on the road to face off against a matured and experienced Vikings team. On the second play of the game, former defensive player of the year, John Colon rushed the New Wave O-line and got himself a safety sack to take a quick 2 point lead. The Vikings struggled on their first four plays until a roughing penalty granted them a new set of downs. QB Jake Forsaith then took a shot deep toward Kevin Langevin who reeled it in for the touchdown. New Wave answered right back. Devon Collier connected with Harmel Nkongolo  over the middle who beat the safety in a foot race for the touchdown to pull within 2. Unfortunately for New Wave, that was as close as they would get. On the next play, Nate Forsaith would catch the first of his 2 TD’s on the day to begin the separation. Nate, then Kevin then Kevin again would finish the day for the Vikings. New Wave didn’t quit but they are just aren’t a match for the Vikings quite yet. Vikings win, 34-6.

You want another one!? You people are ruthless! Well I hate to be a bearer of bad news but this was actually a good game. When you saw the Undefeated Tune Squad facing off against the winless Tigers, you would think it stuck with the week’s theme of Blowout city; but alas ‘twas quite the opposite. Tune Squad seemed to come out a bit flat with their short handed roster but it didn’t prevent them from getting on the board first. Ryan “Daddy” Maloney caught the game’s first TD on the second play of game. From there it was struggle city to get the ball moving. Playing with only 6 men seemed to take a toll on the uber talented and high scoring Tune Squad offense. The Tigers may not have their all-pro QB, but they do have their historically stout D and that is what Tune Squad saw and wasn’t able to adapt to. With under one minute left in the first half, AJ Labrecque went up high in the back of the endzone to pull down an eephus ball for the halftime equalizer. The Tigers kept it going on their first drive out of lockers. Keith Johansen caught a little slant over the middle then shook his hips just enough to get passed the defenders for the go-ahead TD. Dave Brown then caught a 50 yard streak down the sideline over the safety for another TD. Then finally after a forced fumble, Brown caught his second TD of the game to go up 26-6. Tune Squad seemed out of it but didn’t say quit. Derek Stella found Alex Golden on the same play to cut into the lead. Then on the next possession, Stella connected with Larry Dirroco to pull within 8 with 52 seconds left. That was as close as Tune Squad would get on this day as the Tigers bled the clock out in their final possession. The Tigers get their first W of the season, whilst handing Tune Squad their first L. Tigers win going away, 26-19.

In the day’s finale we saw a good game of ex-teammates matching up against each other. Last season, members of both New Wave and Instinct belonged to the expansion team “Insanity.” They had the guts and the talent it took to win but ultimately decided to part ways thanks to a messy contract dispute over their home sponsorship affiliation. Anyways, Instinct took on New Wave at home to finish off week 5. Both teams traded blows back and forth in the first half. Harmel kept his hot streak alive hauling in a career high 8th receiving TD. Derek Crawford of Instinct followed with his 4th of the season. New Waves JJ Lopez contributed on the defensive side of the ball in a big way. Not only did he lead the way with 7 tackles, he picked off an errant Instinct pass and took it to the house for 6, to pull New Wave in front 13-7 at the break. The second half of this one belonged to Jiovanny Vazquez. He caught the equalizer to calm the home crowd. And then just two possessions later with the clock winding down towards the final minutes, Vazquez caught a laser over the top of the defense and took it into the endzone for the game-winner. Instinct wins their second straight game, 20-13.

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